Tumbrella

Forget Biggie vs Tupac, Fergie vs Benitez and Danger Mouse Vs Baron Greenback, the meanest throwdown in the southern hemisphere is Australia’s east coast versus its west coast. Two guest posters argue which is the coast with the most…

THE EAST COAST
By Colin Defoe
The Australian east coast is one long pilgrimage of fun. How can you go wrong in Byron Bay, The Gold Coast, Airlie Beach or Cairns? By day these towns are backpacker paradises full of sunshine and activities and by night they turn into sweaty dancefloor decadence.

Don’t be surprised to stumble out of a venue after dancing on a tabletop, seeing a wet t-shirt competition, winning a sailing trip and having your tongue down a random Scandinavian’s throat.

Further north, get snorkelling or diving amongst Tangalooma Wrecks on Moreton Island, anywhere on the Great Barrier Reef or Yongala Wreck off Townsville. You can also whitewater raft the Tully River near Cairns, sail the Whitsundays, get awesome views of the ocean with a skydive over Cairns, Mission Beach or Brisbane, go sea kayaking in Port Macquarie, Coffs Harbour and pretty much anywhere.

The east coast is also known for the tacky yet unmissable “Big Things” (oversized eyesores representing the local produce). In Coffs Harbour visit the Big Banana, Ballina has the Big Prawn, Nambour has the Big Pineapple and you’ll find the Big Oyster in Taree.

The east coast has amazing national parks with all the weird Australian wildlife you’ve come to expect: Fraser Island’s Great Sandy National Park is renowned for goannas and dingos, Eungella National Park near Mackay has possies of platypus, and the Daintree National Park is the home to cassowaries and
other wonderful animals.

In summary, the east coast is where the action is, where the party starts and where the beauty lies.

THE WEST COAST
By Tintin
Sure, the east coast is where the party’s at. So go there and shake your booty till the small hours, night after night, till you can’t remember a thing about where you’ve been and what you’ve seen and all your photos are of anonymous people puking. Or choose life.

Choose the west side and go to places so profoundly beautiful, such frivolous things as loud music and pouring piss down your gullet couldn’t be further from your mind.

Think weird and wondrous rock formations, like the eerie Pinnacles; startlingly ancient rusty red gorges like Kalbarri and Karijini National Parks; choose soothing the hours away in rock pools far away from silly cities; think of the bizarre Bungle Bungles (as seen in Australia, the film) and all that the vast untainted wise and true wilderness the kick-ass Kimberley has to offer.

Choose real locals, who are genuinely happy to see you and eager to share a story over a cold beer. Choose real adventures, some of the time in real remoteness. Think no irritating backing track of screechy pop songs (you know who you are, Men At Work), just the long romantic road through ancient and magical landscapes and one dreamy dreamy holiday…

Sure, the east coast is choca with beaches. And if you like sharing your towel with another 203 people, go there. West side is one big stretch of seductive unblemished sand, with no sunburnt hoodlums trying to squeeze their fat arses onto your prized piece of cloth.

Choose beaches made entirely of shells, sand that stretches for decades and wondrous deep orange sunsets, every single night. Sigh. Oh those sunsets, how I miss thee…

Choose the jewel in the crown: Coral Bay. Not only is it postcard-perfect pretty, but it’s the neighbour of the Ningaloo Reef. Think of everything the Great Barrier Reef has, then add manta rays, dolphins, humpback whales, turtles and whale sharks you can swim along with. Think one boat, not 20. Think walking distance from the shore. Think gleaming turquoise waters. What you say there east side cousin? Keep dreaming. West is best.

Adrenalin thrills, he says. The westsiiiide has all that. If snorkelling along with a whale shark doesn’t get those juices flowing, try sandboarding, quad biking on dunes, skydiving over the mass of raw redness and some of the best pumping surf this side of Hawaii.

You want animals? Roos – giant reds – bounce all over, camels gallop, fearless emus stretch their necks to say hello, peculiar lizards and, at Monkey Mia, friendly dolphins swim to shore every morning for a meet and greet with their land-dwelling dawgs (that’s us). It’s just amazing, and you’ll want some more.

In summary, the east coast may boast, but the coast with the most resides westsiiide.

Have you been to either, or both? What do you think? Which coast is king in Oz?